This is Super Storyyy

Happy Monday to you and yours! How was salah?! You didn’t even send my own meat – Aren’t I your dearly beloved bestie!?!

BUT I forgive you… from the generosity of my heart. You know I’m that nice. You’re welcome.

Now, unto the news tokens of the day! Catch me if you cannnnn!

Would You Love N1m in a Week?

The demand for workers is on the high in many American cities. Companies are raising compensation to prevent their employees from quitting their jobs. [Don’t you just wish?!] Amazon, the retail giant, has announced it will be hiring an additional 75,000 employees to help ease the burden of product fulfillment and transportation caused by a spike in online demands. You’re probably one of those online shoppers.. [side eye] …and Amazon is not just hiring, the company will also increase the hourly pay for its new recruits. Whoop Whoop! The company said they will be paying $17 an hour with a sign-on bonus of $1000. Now doing the conversion: ~N485,000 for sign-in bonus, plus ~N329,800 weekly pay, if you decide to work a 40-hour week.

[Ok, stop pricing Banana Island flats in your head joh! hehe]

McDonald’s is also raising hourly pay to $11-$17 an hour for more than 36,500 employees at more than 660 U.S. restaurants. [Young money, cash monayy] “These increases, which have already begun, will be rolled out over the next several months and include shifting the entry level range for crew to at least $11-$17 an hour,” the fast food giant said in a statement, adding that shift managers would be paid at least $15 an hour.

Talk Money To Me

Who Dey Breeeeathe?!?

Sooo.. quick feedback from one of the news excerpts from last week. O boy, Colonial Pipeline gave in oh!! The company paid nearly $5m to hackers. [What is life?!] Colonial Pipeline paid the ransom in what Bloomberg describes as a “difficult-to-trace cryptocurrency” within hours after the attack. FBI thinks the hackers are linked to a group called DarkSide that specializes in digital extortion and are believed to be located in Russia or Eastern Europe.
Quick Summary: Colonial couldn’t access the system that controlled their pipeline after it was attacked by the hackers. The company operates the largest fuel pipeline in America. The attack caused shortages and price hikes that resulted in a gallon being sold for $3, the highest in nearly 2 decades. Good to note that the company is now back up and running at ‘normal operations’.

…This is Super Storyyy. A life of strife & sorrow…
6 year old Tomi (footage below LOL): “This is super story, alyfhfgstryshsahgihljsrrrrooowwww”

What should we do with Elon?

Ain’t nobody got time to be a night owl, watching out for Elon’s dangerous almost-midnight tweets. A single tweet from Elon took off $360 Billion from Bitcoin value! [Could you just “imagine that”?! In Style-Plus’ voice] Elon mentioned Tesla would stop accepting bitcoin for Tesla’s purchase, due to the environmental risk that bitcoin mining poses. I know a question on your mind!!! Where did this guy wake up from? Did he just find out that Bitcoin’s mining burns lots of fossil fuel? My guess is as good as yours. Uncle Elon, Why you gotta be all that? Why raise such an issue now? Some analysts say it’s more about green marketing—burnishing Tesla’s green credentials and potentially building support for solar or biofuels as an energy source for Bitcoin production, something that would benefit Tesla in the long run. Tesla still holds $2.5Billion worth of Bitcoin as at March 2021. Elon Musk also asked his 50 million twitter followers if his company should accept Doge a meme coin for their cars. The polls turn out to be in favor of accepting the coin.

Elon Musk is like a ticking time-bomb to the stocks/crypto market with every tweet. For Real! Why does one man have such influence? Arrgghhh!

WarnerMedia x Discovery

AT&T is in advanced talks to merge WarnerMedia with Discovery and the deal is expected to be sealed as soon as today. The new company will be publicly traded and co-owned by AT&T and Discovery shareholders. AT&T believes the deal will strengthen the combined company against rival media giants Netflix and Disney. Shareholders are probably sitting at the edge of their seats. Hehe. Worry not. Word on the street is that AT&T shareholders will own the majority of the economics and the voting power. However, the exact split between the two companies couldn’t be determined. Discovery has a $16 billion market capitalization and a $30 billion enterprise value. AT&T acquired Time Warner, and since renamed it to WarnerMedia, for $85 billion in equity value in 2018.

Captives of the mighty…